Grace to you from the Mystery in whom we live and breathe and have our being. Sit with me in this moment.
Tell her, then, to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things, but few things are needed—indeed only one.”
different temperaments
My mom was definitely a Martha in personality. The kid in me wants to yell, “yahoo, Jesus said I don’t have to help In kitchen!”
This story of Martha, Mary and Jesus elicits a lot of emotional reactions in defense of Martha. Rather, I see a story of two different temperaments.
There is a wonderful tool for understanding our individual temperaments called the enneagram. Over the last few years, the enneagram has saturated the market because of its seemingly spot on typing test and subsequent guidance in understanding the way we relate to the world around us.
I will not give you a class on the enneagram, but I want to look at Martha in light of her possible temperament type. Not to label her or anyone else, but to see how Jesus calls us out of our learned way of being and into stillness, even when everything in us says to do something. Those doings, while they appear good, are often distractions to simply being present to others.
There are the 9 enneagram temperament types.
Martha may be a type two on the enneagram spectrum. The two is the “helper.” Like all the enneagram types all her energy flows through her temperament type. As a “helper” she sees her worth in helping and serving others. Her hope is to have that love reciprocated. She doesn’t know any other way to be. At a young age she learned you must give to receive. To be loved you must be needed. So, she did what came naturally for her in this very difficult time for Jesus as he heads to Jerusalem and his eventual death. She served Jesus by doing things. Hospitality is always a good thing but not what this moment calls for.
It would be uncomfortable for Martha to welcome Jesus into her home knowing he was on the journey of suffering. She is a helper, and she is good at it! It’s worked in many situations. People probably relied on Martha to always be there for them.
Typically, her attention focused on meeting others’ needs and repressing her own. Self-love is lacking. The type “two” fears disappointing others, becoming useless, or worse being seen negatively. The hope is that in loving others, others will do the same for the type two. When it is not returned in the ways expected, the hidden disappointment can turn to pride. The two type thinks, “hey I’m the most loving person there is, why aren’t they loving me back!” This is of course repressed, until it’s not. The two might eventually become passive-aggressive toward those who, after long periods, do not reciprocate the love.
Sit in the momement
Jesus tells Martha, Mary is doing a better thing by sitting with him in this moment. It sounds harsh. But perhaps Jesus is telling Martha she is more valuable than her doing. Jesus doesn’t need Martha. He wants her!
Ask anyone looking for a relationship, “would you rather be needed or wanted?” Most will answer they’d rather be wanted.
Jesus wants Martha! Helping is Martha’s natural gift, but it has also become her hidden mechanism to meet her unmet need for unconditional love, even to the point of seeing herself as indispensable. The dark side of the enneagram type two is pride.
Martha’s comment to Jesus comes from a prideful place.
Jesus nudges Martha into a more loving place. Martha’s worth is not defined by what she does, but who she is. She just happens to be gifted at helping. Her gift of helping and loving is now freed to be done from an abundance of unconditional love, rather than a deficit of love.
Think of the times your individual gift did not satisfy your desire for worth, love, acknowledgement, applause, popularity, safety, security, harmony or control. Perhaps our gifts can become distractions to what is needed in the moment.
be with me
Jesus invites Mary to be with him.
We are all called to be in the Presence of the divine without expectation. There is nothing that God need from us, but our presence.
I remember when I was a young married man and my wife, and I were awakened by the news that her brother had tragically died. We were barely twenty-two and ill-equipped to deal with the shock. Obviously, my gift of humor would not be needed for the days to come. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to be with the family. None of us do in these situations.
At the funeral I stood next to our Pastor Mike as the family mourned near the altar. Mike put his arm on my shoulder and whispered, “Henry, I want you to always remember this. During this feeling of utter helplessness that leaves you unsure of what to do or say, remember that your mere existence is of great worth. Be there. It is more than enough”
Your presences is enough
Jesus was suffering and Mary was present. It was enough. No matter your enneagram type or temperament, you are enough.
This story does not have Jesus questioning Martha’s motives or praising her to protect her ego. God will never rescue us from our unwillingness to surrender to a new way of freedom.
Remember the rich young ruler encountering Jesus? The man wanted the vitality of life forever. Jesus said sell everything off and come follow me. The man walked away sad, and Jesus did not run after him and say, “hey dude, forget what I said, come on walk with me!”
The man could not let go of the land and the title that owned him. We have trouble letting go of our distractions.
It is hard work to begin to look honestly at our way of relating to the world around us. To recognize the fears associated with the misapplication of our gifts. Shine a light on our root fears of embarrassment, failure, imperfection, abandonment, suffering or deprivation, of unreturned love, or of harm.
How brilliant is the nature of God revealed in the interaction of Martha and Mary with Jesus.
Even in his suffering, Jesus was saving Martha from herself.
Jesus saves us from ourselves.
Amen
Wednesday Respite is a 30-min contemplative service of scripture, prayer, music and a Spirited Touchpoint by Henry Rojas, spiritual director at Spirit in the Desert.
Touchpoint is a reflection on where God’s story touches our life story. It is a short homily based on a biblical story of people in the Old and New Testaments and their relationship with God. Our spiritual ancestors’ experience of God’s grace connects with our lives in the present and our relationship with the Divine. Previous Touchpoints are available as PDFs or on SoundCloud.
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