The Unresolved Mystery
Henry Rojas
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
“Eye has not seen, no ear has heard, and the mind cannot comprehend what God has in store for those love him. (Love here is ‘Agapao’ which means- welcoming as to a banquet. Literally welcoming the Divine into this life and circumstances, as the divine welcomes us.)”
– 1 Corinthians 2:9
Grace and peace to you from the mystery in whom we live and move and have our being
my life as it was
In October of 2020, when this was written, I was isolated in my third floor apartment with a cancer diagnosis and the world fixed on a rising pandemic. I was blessed with a window and balcony overlooking the quiet whispers of the desert landscape. Due to the shutdown, there were few cars on the streets and the silence was eerily peaceful. The air was cleaner than I could ever remember, and wildlife appeared jubilant over their world being freed by humans’ hibernation.
Perhaps I was just putting a positive spin on my aloneness, but I felt a sense of unity with the world around me. Worry of potential cancer outcomes diminished as I felt a oneness with the suffering in the world and the compassionate invitation of the mystery into its calm.
The world layed with me in its pandemic slumber, but there was also an awakening. The global silence companioned my cancer filled days of the unknown. But I was also awakened to what was important. Things precious. Cancer and Covid alerting me to life’s forgotten and fragile beauty. I longed for an angry, despondent world to awaken with me. Awaken to the call to slow down. To pay attention to what had been neglected during better circumstances.
I still long for the world to awaken. Don’t you?
Remember when we delivered care packages to each other? Remember when we relied on heart touching YouTube videos and inspirational zoom gatherings from homebound artists? Remember when church in-person performance-based worship was temporarily put out of business. Suddenly unpolished and authentic online services were welcomed. Have we taken the call and the lessons of the pandemic to value community, intimacy, compassion and authenticity?
Today the toxicity of religion and politics says we did not awaken. Has not even a global pandemic taught us that love is more powerful than hate? The world had a chance to create urban contemplatives that would henceforth serve marginalized communities without caveat.
Perhaps we must remind ourselves of the messages that arose during the times of unwanted solitude and fear.
Here is mine.
from the darkness to the light he walks
October 10, 2021
I got a call for me to come to the balcony. Down below within a safe Covid distance my ex-wife is holding a banner of loving encouragement during my dark day! Her smile made it three floors up and brought comfort through the weekend.
I don’t know about you, but it seems like birds are tweeting louder than ever. Drowning out the undesirable tweets of panicking twitters. It’s beautiful. Perhaps they sing a song of freedom. Smog is lifted and springtime is more visible. The scripture reads “Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing”
You might say how dare you slip into joy so soon, since we haven’t flattened the curve!
You see, the crucifixion and resurrection did not take place at the Jerusalem six flags. It occurred during the turmoil and confusion of their times. An empty tomb was met with even more perplexity and sadness.
“Wait, what? Where is he?” his friends wondered. They were counting on a body, a location where they could gather to commemorate the one they loved. A place to lay a wreath and say, “remember when he walked with us?”
We want resolution
The empty tomb left things unresolved. We want Resolution to all things pending.
Resolution.
Something to help me let go of my illusions of an unrealistic hope. Resolution. Anything that will confirm my storyline for the doom that eases me and promises a bow of airtight absolutes to my questions.
Resolution.
Our demand for resolution can cause us to miss the obvious. The birds are singing, the face of God is in loved ones. Without resolution we accept worry and anxiety as though it helps us maintain control.
Resolution Resurrection
Easter is God’s way of saying I can’t give you resolution because death is not the opposite of Life. Life has no opposite. Resolutions are conclusions. They will only satisfy the three daily demons that haunt us. The need to be right, the need to be enough and the need to be in control.
God has no conclusions just transformations, ascensions and today, resurrections. Donald Miller in his book Blue Like Jazz says, “I never believed in God because there never seems to be no resolution to my questions. But I remembered I love jazz and great jazz does not have resolution either.” Today nature knows good holy jazz. Listen to it and celebrate that this present set of circumstances has no power to define us. Easter reminds us that suffering, not even death will have the final say.
Celebrate the improvisational God of mystery! A life that has no opposite. No resolution means death does not have the final say.
No resolution, just wonder, amazement and transformation.
Never ending.
HOLY WEEK REFLECTIONS
THURSDAY, APRIL 17, 2025
Where broken meets broken
To give ourselves to transformative death, is to excavate all that came before. Certitude, expectations and illusions. It is painful to release ourselves to the work of spirit. This day we are invited to share in Christs brokenness. Jesus symbolizes this shared brokenness by breaking bread in love, with his friends.
As we break bread together, what breaks your heart? May the bread we dip in life’s juice, absorb the pain of our disappointments. May this meal be shared together. May we sit in this moment of collective presence. In wonderment of the curious purposes of the mystery we call God.
FRIDAY, APRIL 18, 2025
Jesus recognized his feet were not enough to reach a weary world. They went to the cross. His hands were not enough to touch every wounded and longing soul. He stretched them to capacity and there they stayed. His back was not enough to carry the emotional burdens of the world. He carried his cross.
What efforts have you taken physically and mentally that have reached futility? If Jesus life on earth was not expected to be enough, what expectations have you carried in your heart, with your feet and on your hands. May we share in Christs stretched out life, relinquishing all expectations. Today we grieve the loss.
SATURDAY, APRIL 19, 2025
Today our friends wait. The person they knew is no longer there. As for me, I am no longer where I was, but I’m not where I shall be. It is the space between. I relinquished control that life would bloom, but I cannot see it. I am still in mourning of my way of being. I wanted a guarantee for my efforts, but the warranty expired. Where and who am I if I am not what I thought I was? All I have is hope. I cannot hang on to hope. Perhaps hope is holding on to me.
SUNDAY, APRIL 20, 2025
RISE UP! Smell the Lilies. Sing a new song. Life never ended. Just the illusion. I was buried by life, and it is life that has raised me up! Though the person of Jesus has died, the Spirit of Christ will live forever. So will I!
“Only our imaginations can create a teeny glimmer of the utter magnificence of this new life of living in communion with everyone and everything. Each of us this moment is an unfinished creation awaiting the process of being fully created into our personal Good Friday and Easter.” – Edward Hays
Wednesday Respite is a 30-min contemplative service of scripture, prayer, music and a Spirited Touchpoint by Henry Rojas, spiritual director at Spirit in the Desert.
Touchpoint is a reflection on where God’s story touches our life story. It is a short homily based on a biblical story of people in the Old and New Testaments and their relationship with God. Our spiritual ancestors’ experience of God’s grace connects with our lives in the present and our relationship with the Divine. Previous Touchpoints are available as PDFs or on SoundCloud.
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